Shopper’s Lament
I find shopping painful. My wife would rephrase that. To her, I’m just a painful shopper. But confusticate it how you will, people spend years of their lives in crowded malls and checkout lines. My wife and daughters call this fun. It isn’t fun, it’s a game of snakes and shadows, and to survive you must walk softly and carry a big debit card. A lobotomy would also ease... Read More
Greed Redefined – Occupy Reality Check
There’s a group of greedy individuals in Lower Manhattan who think that they deserve more than their fair share. Their selfishness blinds them to the fact that most people on the planet have drastically less than they do. They appear to be concerned only with themselves. They live a life of privilege and luxury, oblivious to those who have nothing; they live in comfort while... Read More
Dual Parent Ski Pass
If the term “steep and deep” better describes the pile of bills on your kitchen table than the powder on Okanagan ski slopes where you’d like to be carving some turns; if you feel snowed under by a blizzard of family duties; if the word “flakes” conjures up an image of Ivory Snow laundry detergent instead of the white stuff from the sky; if the only powder you’ve seen... Read More
CBC Rant
It’s lunch time. Early 1950s suburban Toronto. My siblings and I burst into the kitchen, hungry for the sound of our favourite CBC radio program. The dial of our brown plastic Westinghouse is set. We munch egg sandwiches to the lyrics of the Teddy Bears’ Picnic, eager for the stories presented by Bing Whittaker, host of The Small Types Club. When Bing says, “Ssssssscoot!... Read More
Zombie Zinger
“You need to write about zombies.” It was my friend Rob’s dime so I continued to listen. We’ve been a dangerous duo for more than 50 years—more dangerous to ourselves than anyone else. “Your book needs a regiment of zombies.” I’ve just finished writing a novel that covers some of the American Civil War and I’d sent Rob a copy. “Look,” he said, “everybody’s... Read More
Tonsorial Wisdom
Wireless social networking gone retro … I’ve given up on the coffee shop. I don’t know how much more thumb-waggling I can take. Semaphore was easier to understand because the flag positions actually meant something. My younger friends only deign to talk to me audibly because I don’t have an iSomething to receive text messages. The other day a client nearly wet her knickers... Read More
